Reflections_Feb3rd

This week my body finally caught up with my emotions, as I began to realize how exhausting life is visiting patients in the hospital. This may have been brought about by my reactive words to Jen's urgings to talk one evening, when I said, "I have been listening to people all day, I'm tired". I recall thinking aloud this week in talking with Virgil, "I've had cancer, I'm dying, I had surgery, my friends are sick, noone knows when they are going home...." it begins to mean something more to me, seeing those in the hospital, the more I do it. I don't feel broke by it, or depressed or repulsed or hardened, but by recognizing these feelings and the connections I have or may have in the future to visiting patients, I feel I can begin to put guards up to protect me from becoming too emotionally involved.
Earlier this week I referred to a patient I visited who had 3 children at home, and had been in the hospital for 2 months. The particular visit also brought to mind the realization of how likely it may be someone close to me may undergo the same illness of life.
A few things I did learn this week:
1. It's ok to turn around and go back to Nineveh, after you tell the Lord no. The patient I referred to above was in a room where you were expected to "gown up" and cover yourself before entering. This made me uncomfortable at first. And as I stood there pretending to write something, the mom came out to get the nurse. At which point, I inquired if it would be a good time to visit. And it was.
2. When someone asks you if you want to pull up a chair, it means they are enjoying your company, and need the friendly words. This week, I denied that offer, and explained to the woman I could not stay long. I felt bad after I said it, but remained in her presence for a few minutes in discussion as well as prayer.
3. God works even in my mistakes and foul-ups. He is greater than me. And I need to trust He will work through my presence with those who are seriously ill or just out of their normal home environment.
Steve