Friday's Reflections

This week has been a good week, getting a full week of "work" and opportunities to learn. A few things come to mind as I reflect back, but the most effective event is the conversations I have had in the elevators with 2 different nurses. Most times, I enter the elevator and keep to myself. But for some strange reason, I turned to the nurse, and asked her how her day was going today. She responded, and we exchanged some pleasantries. Another nurse and I had a brief levity at the stresses of life, and her response to my question of "how is it going today" was "I'm hanging on". I said good, don't let go. Keep hanging on. And it hit me, how exhausted they nursing staff must get in responding to every call as its the most important call of the day. Treating each patient as if it were their own mother or father. Giving all they can to work their best and treat everyone with the utmost respect. It's hard on the staff to provide care, to be caregivers.
Also this week, I was able to see the strength a family can have with support during these rough times of surgery on a child. And days later, seeing the "unexpected" or unwarranted problems arise in health, and the pain of a child suffering, when there is nothing a grandmother can do. As I finished the prayer, she grabbed onto me and hugged me, and said "her body is in such pain". I returned the grandmothers hug, and let her know that I see the physical pain being felt in the emotions of her as well.
Some other things I have learned this week and during the last few weeks, relate to my reactions and words of reactions. I have been blessed to now have the ability to "think twice" before I speak, making jokes and being interested in how my comments will be accepted. I was impressed this week with the effort to "prevent" kids from being criminals with the new wing of the Harris Country Psychiatric center being developed for adolescents. I was even interested in becoming more involved in those aspects of family dynamics. The mental disorders and affects of trauma and violence in the minds and lives of children, and how it interacts with the family. During my education at ACU, I feel my time with Lifeline is going to give me a great deal of "life" to reflect on, and the realness of how situations affect the family, the marriages, and relationships of children and parents. It is very obvious to me, how the crisis of illness and being "uprooted" from normality can cause a great deal of stress and conflict.

Fridays Reflection_01/20/06

This week has been a life experience of crisis and grief. Returning to Abilene after attending Virgil's class, I was expecting to get back into my clinical rounds, and visitations with patients and families. Monday started off fairly normal, attending orientation and going to St.Lukes. While there, I remember 2 specific people that I got to talk with. Both had been married over 30+ years, with their spouses there with them in the hospital room, fighting and struggling along with this illness and unexpected "uprooting" of life. They were a smile among the frowns, a light in the clouds and a hand to hold in the crowd of confusion. It was obvious to me how spirited people are lying in bed, when they have a visitor or loved one in the room with them. How encouraged they are to share this crisis with someone who will not leave them. It sure makes my visit easier to communicate with the person and their family member.

Tuesday, we received word of Edwena's passing. I left work, after being there but 30 minutes, to be with my family. It was a different experience, after being on the side of chaplaincy and some of the "training" I had received. Some observations I noted were the differences in how people deal with loss. Humor, rediculous humor that seems even out of place. Stories of loved ones to feel as though they are still present. Walls of sleep deprevation, and of course the ease to shed a tear when hugged by a friend. The hospice staff person talked way too much and did not seem to let the family have their time with visitors in a personal settings. Feeling somewhat pressured to share stories and life lessons... without being asked. You are never too old to cry. Edwena or Baaboo as we called her, had a 98 year old brother that seems to cry while just trying to talk about stories. Probably facing the ever present realization of his own funeral shortly. One last thing I learned, people giving statements or words during a funeral service never feel adequate about their involvement. As it should be. It is an honor to be invited to lead the rememberance of someones life. To lead the prayer, say the scripture, stand at the Table of Communion, to Remember together until one day we can all be gathered together again in Heaven.

Reflections Jan.18.2006

Meeting with people Monday, MLK day, speaking with 2 sets of couples, who have been together over 30 years, and are committed to each other. One child I was to visit was yelling in pain in his room, with the door closed, I knocked softly, hoping they would not answer. Left thinking about the pain that goes on while in the hospital, and the emotions when its your child.
I visited a parent of a child in PICU, who was on his laptop, seemingly having fun or at least enjoying his time. As I approached and asked about his day and his child, his demeanor changed and his eyes seemed to find some tears that he thought had been removed. I did not stay long, as I was at a loss how to deal with a man a few years older than I. I told him we were on his side, and praying for his child. Alex. And then left, with the thought, what happened to doing the work, instead of saying?
I went by Sylvia’s bed before leaving for the day, and ran into George. He was an encouragement to me, as he stated, don’t think what you are doing is insignificant or not remembered. During the time in the hospital, people will remember the friendly visits, and will be appreciative.
However, I felt as though I had let down the man in the PICU, by not praying with him or at least asking him if he’d like to pray. The environment of PICU waiting is that every parents eye is focused on you as you enter and approach, hoping you are not bringing bad news.

Yesterday, our family lost a great woman who went to be with the Lord. BaaBoo or as the State knew her, Edwena Stephenson Fregia Jackson. It was a moment that you don't look forward to, but one that brought about great comfort knowing her sickness is no more. Saturday night, I came in town after being in Abilene for a week, and got to spend some time with her. John and JohnMark told her I was there, she looked up as much as she could, gave a smile and reached out for a hug. I bent over to hug her, and tell her I was here on behalf of our family and giving her a hug for Blakely. After a few moments, I was left alone with her, and sat on the bed and put my arm around her as she lay there. I told her, I'm here to say a little prayer with you, I hope you don't mind. I lifter her body and spirit up to the Lord, and thanked him for her life and the lives I know because she is here. The people that loved her and were constantly around her were amazing to me, and people I will always cherish. I said my goodbyes. To me, it was much like the goodbyes I was unable to really enjoy with my Grandmother. To be able to acknowledge the end of life, and to lift up and celebrate her life before her to the Lord. So she could hear and be encouraged. I think too often we say our goodbyes and stories and love to people 1 day too late, as we remember them and talk about them. To me, it is important for the person to know they were loved and cherished before they depart onto the next season of eternity.

Tuesday, I also took Blakely to visit Braden, my now 9 year old nephew, who was in the hospital. I wanted her to see him and know he was ok, and would be going home. I asked him about his tubes and his IV as we talked, so Blakely could hear what they were and know they would come out and that he is not in pain because of them. And that he is ok. To hear that he is ok is something I think she needs to know, and that not everyone that goes to the hospital will die. I asked her last night if she was glad she went to see Braden, and if it made her feel better to know he was doing better, and she said yes. How much of that is cognitive or just through the motions of being a kid, we'll never know, but I wanted to teach her about how important it is to go visit our friends and family that are sick in the hospital, and to be there with them.